Memories
by RainingOnTheParade
Summary: "Does the pain ever go away?" "No. Some days are better, where you think you'll finally stop hurting and move on, and some days are worse, where it feels like everything in your past is trying to drown you."


**Hellloo ;D This is a one-shot. Clockwork Prince spoilers.**

**I got this idea not to long after I finished the book and had to write it…anyways.**

**This takes place about 133 years after CP(present day for those of you too lazy for math.) On a day that is actually in City of Fallen Angels…I don't know if a lot of remember the scene but hopefully you'll figure it out. And Tessa remembers Jem on the anniversary of his death. This was inspired by Memories by Within Temptations, I listened to the song while writing, do the same while reading if yeah like. **

**Enjoy! Or as Jem would say xiǎngyǒu ;D**

_Tick, tick, tick_.

Tessa took a long sip of her wine from her glass. She was, as she knew she would on the anniversary, twirling the clockwork angel and the jade pendant he'd given her. Staring at the wall that hung the picture of their wedding day. Revisiting every memory she had of him. Jem, her sweet Jem, her former husband that had di-

"Honestly, Theresa. Have you gone as low alcoholism?" A familiar voice said from behind her cutting off her train of thought. She looked up and smiled at the person leaning against her doorframe. If anyone could even attempt to cheer her up today it would be him.

"What happened to not using magic to open each other's door, Magnus?" She asked and her just grinned and walked in. "And I'm just having a drink." Magnus raised an eyebrow.

"Do you know what day it is?" He looked at her for a second then answered.

"Of course I do, dear. I just try not to wallow around. I would think he wouldn't want you to either." Tessa frowned but remained quiet. Magnus sighed, looked around and sat down next to her.

Tessa got a good look at her old friend and noted he was dressed more mellow than he usually did, no glitter. Just a simple black suit, a white scarf with long fringes at the end and matching white gloves.

While he poured himself a glass of wine Tessa asked, "Now, might you tell me what you're doing here? I thought you were off in Vienna with that Shadowhunter boyfriend, Alec."

He frowned. "I was, but the Clave called. You are not going to believe who they wanted me to talk too."

Tessa raised an eyebrow. "Who?"

"Camille." Magnus said in a distant voice. "It was quite ironic I saw her today, of all days."

Tessa managed a half-hearted chuckle and asked, "How is she?"

"Killed Shadowhunters. The Nephilim are keeping her in the Sanctuary right now." Magnus said and sat next to her and stared at the wall.

"Mhm." Was all she bothered to say. She was to occupied staring at the picture on the wall. It was of her and Jem on their wedding day. There were only old-fashioned cameras back then so the picture wasn't the best quality, but seeing him happy, gazing down at her in her old gold wedding dress, made her heart hurt.

"Do you remember that day?" Tessa asked him. Magnus looked at her with a smile.

" Of course, dear." Magnus said with a smile. "Your dress was stunning, the train was long I was surprised you could walk. There were lilies and roses, amazing food, a very pregnant Charlotte and Henry, who's poor tie never looked right…everyone seemed so happy." His face became somber. "Then there was the look on his face."

Tessa nodded. "I remember that all too. He was so healthy that day." Her eyes began to water. "We were only married four years, before the sickness took him. And _every_ year I put myself through this." She wiped away the tears that had fallen.

"Tessa, you have to get your mind off it." Magnus said giving her a worried look. Every year this would happen. Tessa would torture herself remembering every last detail of her deceased husband.

One year he had walked in on Tessa, who had Changed into Jem. She had wanted to see him again so badly, but it hadn't made her feel better, just worse. It made her break down in sobs. By the time Magnus got her to change back she was in hysterics. That was one of the only times Magnus had seen her break down, and it was something he never wanted to see again.

"I remember the day he died like it was yesterday. He was so, _so_ pale I had never seen him so sick…" Tessa said and her mind trailed off into the memories…

"…_..There is no other way Mrs. Carstairs, we can keep giving him the medicine, but we are just delaying his death." Brother Enoch said in her mind. Jem had collapsed into a coughing fit and had passed out. The Silent Brothers had been called, but once they had seen and treated him they sat her down and told her that he was dying, and there was no way they could stop it._

_She was crying, she hated crying in front of anyone, but she couldn't hold the tears back. "Are you sure there is nothing you can do?"_

"_No." Was all the Brother replied. She had to see him, so she got up and went into Jem's room. He lay there so peacefully, breathing as evenly as a normal man would, but she now knew his heart was going to stop, and it was going to stop soon._

_As he heard her enter he opened his eyes. He smiled at her. "Tessa."_

_She walked over to him. "Do you want me to call Will?" _

_Jem shook his head. "No, I doubt you would find him in time, but there is a note for him I wrote. It's in my drawer, when I die give it to him."_

"_James Carstairs do _not_ talk like that. You're going to live." Tessa said fiercely through her tears._

_Jem smiled at her, a nice smile, one that she wouldn't ever forget. " I love you, don't ever forget that. You're my life, my world, the reason I got out of bed each morning these past few years. You made me smile, made me laugh, I often couldn't believe you were mine." Tessa smiled back, but the tears were falling harder now. "Promise me something."_

"_Anything." She replied quickly, she would anything he wanted her too._

"_Find a way back into life, once I'm gone. Try to move on." Jem whispered. They had found out two years into their marriage that she was immortal. It hadn't been a good day for anyone. There were lots of tears, yelling, and just plain sadness. They both knew that, while Jem's life would end soon, hers wouldn't ever end._

_Tessa shook her and laughed half-heartingly. "Darling, you know I'll love you till the end of time, but I'll try."_

_Jem nodded and smiled again. "I love you. I love you with all my heart, Tess." _

_She chocked back a sob and replied, "I love you too, Jem." She waited for a reply, but there wasn't one. For a second she thought he had just fallen asleep, like he had done quite a few times those last few days. His silver hair brushed back, a calm expression on his face. But she then realized he was gone. She started to cry, and lay her head on his chest hoping she'd hear a heart beat. There wasn't. He wasn't waking up. He never would._

_She sat there crying until Charlotte and Henry came in, she later realized they had been called by Brother Enoch. They eventually coaxed her out of the room, but she didn't stop crying for a long time._

_The days after that had been hard. Once Will had found out he rushed to them. He didn't say a word to anyone until the funeral, which had been one of the most painful days in her life. That day Will and Tessa clutched to each as a life line. But after that however, they didn't speak. Being around each other constantly reminded the other of Jem. After everything was settled Tessa moved back to New York. In later years she had found out Will had married and had 2 children, a boy and girl, whose names she never found out._

_She had done all she could to try and move on in New York, keep up work, clean, shop, read, but part of her had stayed in the room where Jem died, waiting for him to wake up.._

"…I hate crying."

"I know you do."

Tessa wiped the tears from her eyes. "Does the pain ever go away?"

Magnus looked at her with something akin to understanding. "No. Some days are better, where you think you'll finally stop hurting and move one, and some days are worse, where it feels like everything in your past is trying to drown you."

She nodded, but the tears kept coming. Damn the infernal wine she had drank, it made her too emotional.

Magnus put a hand on her shoulder, "But sometimes memories ease the pain inside."

"I'll keep that in mind." She said and managed a smile.

"Good. Now darling, I must be going. Please try not to depress yourself to much. I still expect you at annual our tea and cookie brunch next Thursday."

Tessa laughed. "Of course."

And with that Magnus left, off to go spend some time with his love, something Tessa envied. She knew from now and she had to try to remember Jem and not break into a million of pieces over the boy she had loved and would always love.

Besides, she lived forever. It was bound to get easier eventually on her damaged heart.

**Whatcha all think? I'm not to big a fan on the ending, but eh. Whatevs. It was kinda short, I know that. **

**I love Magnus, don't you? :3 Yeah, I didn't really want to include a lot of Will in here because I wanted to focus on Jem. Sorry if you wanted more of the him, but in my mind, in Clockwork Princess, Tessa and Jem get married, and Will finds someone else or dies xD just my opinion.**

**Anyways, review yeah? ;D**


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